Makes my head spin, the way we ask for something but when it comes along... it scares us and we reject it because of the force of it. We will do anything to decieve it, turn it aside, get RID of it. Anything. Lying to it, Hurting it with lies, hurting it by playing, toying, with it and kicking it out of our lives.

Yet, sometimes you do not feel anything over it. Anger maybe, that a pattern has emerged, always steering you towards a certain choice, and you want to say NO! I have no time for this.

Maybe even fear that events will repeat themselves, that you will be tired of being crippled, by yourself or by another.

Fear that you will make the choice and find yourself eternally shadowed by it, eternally rejecting it, hating it, wishing it would just go away and leave you in your own personal misery. Misery that you plead to be relieved of until you find yourself at the same choice, the same crossroads, making the same choice. Like you will be faced with it until you make it and hate it, fear it more because you do not want it.