One entry for the day just isnt enough
i feel a little down. a little sad. a litte anxious.
my boy is just giving me one worded answers and im worrying about him so bad. its horrible.
i love him so much too.
GAAH!
i want to talk but its not that i want to talk, i want to connect with someone and laugh and chat. i wish i could with him right now... but.... iunno. shoot me now.
My heart is aching right now. It wants to be held.
I need someone to talk to but everyone is too close. Everyone. I just want to express my love and desires.
I should be telling my boyfriend, but I dont know if he wants to hear that right now. Even tho he does.
I just miss him, and need him in my arms. If i think that i will go through this life without ever holding him, kissing him, loving him, I cry. I cry cry cry cry. I could cry all day if I couldnt stop those thoughts.
I just went for a healing, and my kundalini is rising, my sexual self is REALLY waking up, REALLY coming out. and it got stuck and im trying to make it go up and i just feel the energy brewing insiide of me.
Healing Notes
man in a shell, afraid to be a man, hides as a boy
wont come out to me, cant express feelings, wants to be in control but hes not when i voice
my desire. strangled.unable to speak. spins the world on his finger....
fish man - hubby. will fill my belly, zones out while eating, wont hear me if i speak. Just as ravenous with my body and he is with food.
give me my son and my daughter, exact replicas of their parents.
Boyfriend
we will always be distant with intervals of physical closeness. we heal each other sexually and emotionally, and some how are sexually together when we're so far apart.
Kundalini rising, stuck in my solar plexus affecting my sexuality.
Fullfill our relationship to the fullest, because we need it, and we will leave healed, and fullfilled.
Even now i can feel my body asking, craving for sexual pleasure, sexual relief. Oh i want it.
I just want him to touch me, be within me, i just want to feel him entirely.
I love him so much. its painful to be parted. my mind torments me with pictures and scenarios.
Frig, i admit it. im horny and i want him and only him
Pay attention to your dreams. They have important messages for the folk who listen.
Im dreaming memories that are a modern context of long past ages.
I dreamt of my murder. The man i love best, i died for him once, so save him from his death, and save his daughter from being the married sex slave of a germanic warlord. But it a totally modern tail.
I got him on a trouble shooting call at work, but i was at my own him. then i suddenly collapsed in a pool of my own blood.
I dreamt of my rites into womanhood. The new moon of a womans first blood, and my womb was opened by a teraphim, a little goddess of labor and motherhood. Opened by my mother, to nourish the earth with a womans mystical blood.
I was in pain because i had not had bled in years and my cousin, a certified gynecologist in my dream, reached in and scraped away all that was blocking me from health. and then i bled. and woke up bleeding.
that is all i remember from my dreams. these are the most important ones i've had in my sleep, as i've had others that were merely flyaway thoughts, that have no prevalence on this body. or its memories.
I hear your voice, I miss your face, i need your touch. Where are you? where are you?
Protect me for i feel something big, its getting ever closer, weighing heavier on the children of the stars and scaring us into our gifts with violent force.
Scar reduction.
Turmeric Rub.
Mederma > Pharmacist
I could cry,
Just to see your face,
Next to mine,
In our secret place.
My heart says no,
When my soul says yes,
To a love we had ages past.
Don't let me cry,
Over love long lost,
Lest I die from these scars,
Bleeding from my heart.
love
